EN'07 Rocks.. To the ends of the earth..

Parang rock concert.. Di mo aakalain na ganyan kadami ang tumanggap kay Kristo sa buhay nila! Madami pa ang di nakapunta... Nakakaoverwhelm talaga!

Passages of Encouragement

If you are feeling weary, down or just having a "blah" day, here are words of encourangement taken from the Bible:

Isaiah 40:28-31: "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

I am feeling a little down today, so I guess instead of wallowing in my "dark clouds", I looked for things that might make feel a little "light". I hope these words also encourage you, if you are having a bad day. (",)

To My Prayer Network: Maraming Salamat!!! Pasado Ako!!!

Hay Thank you God!!! Pasado ako sa BCMSN exam ko! Grabe, akala ko talaga I will not pass the exam, I was on the verge of crying, my palms were sweating kahit super lamig sa exam room, ang dami kasi lumabas sa hindi ko inaral. Buti na lang, God is so good to me, I asked for guidance, ibinigay Niya sakin yun! I got 987 of 1000! Thank you sa inyong lahat! Alam ko all of you prayed for me.. Thank you thank you!!

To God be the glory!!!

Request for Prayers

Sa lahat ng mga friends ko na makakabasa nito.. Wala lang.. I need your help.. Pag pray nyo lang po ako na sana maging successful po yung gagawin ko bukas. Yun lang po.. Thank you thank you!!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Early today, I received this text message from this person whom I was confiding in about something that was bothering me. His reply was, "Mataas kc masyado gus2 m...". It was like a slap in the face, that he was telling me the brutal truth. Or was it the truth? Was he telling me that I could not achieve something that I want? I was always told to dream big, aim high, aim for the sky, if in case I fail, I would have fallen on the roof and not on the ground. I would achieve better things if I aim for greater things.

I didn't know what to say to him. I was confused if he was trying to hurt me or was he being a friend because he was telling me the truth. But what he said hurt me. Hurt me a lot. He made me feel little. Inferior. Because I let him do that to me.

I don't want to feel that way again. Today, I made a decision, to stop wallowing in self - pity. Instead of feeling hurt, I will take it as a challenge. Something to push me more to achieve my goal. My Savior will carry me through this rough patch. I just know He will. (",)

Last night, something hit me, it was so simple and yet so true. And I so needed it. What am I talking about?

Last night, my bestfriend Janine and I went out to see our friend perform in Makati. He was performing with other artists and it was a very fun night. One of the artists was Acel Bisa (from Moonstar88), and she sang this song, Silver Lining, she explained it was like a glimpse of great things in the future. It just made me realize something, I need not ask God for what's in store for me, I need not ask God what, why, when and how. I know He has plans for me, great plans for me, I just need to follow the path He made for me and embrace His plans for me. I so loved the song, I decided to find the lyrics, but I got more! I found her site, and the song was uploaded in the site, it had an embeded music player and I got to listen to more of her songs. And I was able to get a link that I can post here. I hope you like this song as much as I do. (",)

You can visit her website: http://acel.eastcurrent.com for more info. But here's the lyrics of the song that I so love right now.

Silver Lining

Written by: Acel Bisa van Ommen
Music by: Acel Bisa van Ommen and Ronnie Ropal
Copyright 2005

I've been trying to read your mind
but i always end up puzzled and surprised
I see myself like I am blind
but you hold my hand and you lead me
coz i know i don't need to worry
i just let you be my guide

Coz i just see a silver lining
a glimpse of your promise to me
but it's not about what it is
or how or if but it's knowing the one who made it

I'd like to know what's in store
yeah it's big but i know for sure
that what i really need is you within my soul
sometimes I put you in a box
and I forget that you are God
but what really matters to you
is my heart

Coz i just see a silver lining
a glimpse of your promise to me
but it's not about what it is
or how or if but it's knowing the one who made it

it's not the promise
but the one who made it
it's you who made it happen
coz you love me

Last night, I asked my friend Richard, why he sounded different. He said it was because he will be trying to crossover to a new genre of music, standards. It was his last performance (that Janine and I will be able to watch) as an acoustic artist. It actually made me a little sad because of the songs he composed, not all of them can be 'transitioned' to standards format. He sounded so good singing his songs, he also sounded good singing standards (he sang samples for me, acapella, while I was driving), of course it will be different with a complete set of musicians to back him up. Janine and I will be watching him sing standards at Eastwood on May 16. Hhhmmm... Ano kaya ang bagong tunog niya?

Last night, I had an interesting night. It was a night full of thought. I promised myself some things, things I would do, things I would not do. I pray to God, that He give me strength to accomplish this promise. Thank you God for bringing me there last night!

Baguio - La Union Five - Day Break

Last Wednesday, the people whom I fondly call "the Cisco Crew" went to Baguio to attend an annual convention which was held in Baguio. This also coincided with the National Cisco Skills Competion for students. Our school got second place, which isn't bad, actually, it was great that they got second place. The students took home 20,000 pesos. But I think the students were quite disappointed because they did want to take home the bacon. Oh well, that's that. It's not the end of the world and for me, they will still be the champs!

Back to the Five - Day Break

I actually had a nice vacation up there in Baguio, for the first time in a few years, I got really wasted, as in totally wasted on our first night there. I did it on purpose, because I could not get that drunk here in Manila because I was always the designated driver (of course maruth, you have to drive your father's car! duh!). In my 3 nights in Baguio, 2 nights of which I got totally drunk, only one night of which I was a little "tipsy". After the 3 days in Baguio, some of us headed to La Union, a surf resort in San Juan, San Fernando. Of course, I didn't want to get dark so I stayed in the shade for most of the afternoon. I was also too lazy to remove my contact lens so I didn't go for a dip in the sea. I just played with the little waves that were reaching my ankles at the beach. We also played a little volleyball (maruth, admit it, you are not a girl because you can't play volleyball!). I did get a tan though, in one arm, because it was this arm that was exposed to the sunlight on the way to the beach. I can't do anything about it! It looks so damn funny. My arms have uneven color. As in!

One - Two - Three Pass!

Saturday night, Sebay Resort. A few of our students, officemates and boss played one - two - three pass. If our hand landed on top of the pile, we'd have to choose between Truth or Consequence. Damn, I was really bad in games! I was the biggest loser of the night. I had to do 2 truths and 2 dares. I really had to share a little secret that I have been keeping for quite sometime now. And 1 dare that involved another person that was part of the little secret I was talking about. Just looking back at what happened is making me smile a silly smile. Hahaha!

Let's Sing Songs..

I was on my way home last night, when this song played on the radio. It was a very long commute because it was so traffic in Cavite (by the way, I was not driving, I was just a passenger! What a miracle! hehehe). It stuck to my head (LSS ba ito?). Here's the lyrics, will try to find the song soon!

You Got It All
The Jets

I, I was a game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best

Don't you know, don't you know

You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you're all that he's not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
Over him

No, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you I let go
Oh you can surely see
You're so much more to me
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best
Don't you know, don't you know

You got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you're all that he's not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
All over him
(You got it all over him, You got me over him)
Honey it's true there's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call you went
Out on a limb
And you're all that he's not
Just look what I got
Cause you got it all
All over him

***side comment: Ngayon ko lang narealize (April 2), kaya ko pala gusto tong song na ito, kasi meaningful pala ito sa akin ngayon.. Kaya pala.. hehehe...***

Here's another song, I've already uploaded it my playlist. Yah, it's under the emote playlist, well, I play this when I'm feeling a bit low. (ganun?)

Trying To Get The Feeling Again
Christian Bautista (Remake)

At any moment she'll be walking through that door
She won't find me behind it
cause the feeling is gone and
just won't come back anymore
I work so hard to find it

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
All around, trying to get the feeling again
The one that make me shiver
Make my knees start to quiver
Every time she walks in

I've looked high, low
Everywhere I possibly can
But there's just no trying to get the feeling again
It seemed to disappear as fast as it came

read every book
look for every meditation and poem
just to bring home that old sweet sensation
but it ain't no used to me, trying to get the feeling again

Where did it run to? I thought I'd done all that I could
To keep the love burning
But whatever I've done, I just haven't done it too good
Cause all that's left is yearning

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
Like a bloodhound searching for a long lost friend
could you help me rediscover
the way to re be her lover once again

read every book
look for every meditation and poem
just to bring home that old sweet sensation
But it ain't no used to me, to try and get that feeling
I want to get that feeling again

I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
I've been up, down, trying to get the feeling again
trying to get the feeling again

My First Official Entry

I'm finally using multiply account for my blogs.  Although I'll still use my blogspot account, I think I'll also begin writing here. 

let me begin..

with work!

     Today, I was supposed to be in school, checking and grading papers as always especially at this time of the term.  It's the end of the term, and I think, I am almost done with what I am supposed to do.  I have to say, this term is not one of my best terms, I was completely lazy, I paid very little attention to my courses and taught only the basics.  Well, not really, I covered the whole syllabus and actually added a little more, but not as much as I expected.

     Like I said, I stayed home today to rest, watched TV, and a Korean movie, as I am very excited to go on a vacation!

with friends...

     My friends are actually starting to leave the country.  Well, it started with my guy-bestfriend who left a few years ago to try his luck in Saudi and then went on to Singapore.  He does come home at least once a year but it has never been the same when he's here hearing me out, making his ears bleed with all my yappings..

     Leslie Boy is one of my friends whom I can always count on if I do not want to go out alone.  He's always game to watch movies, hang out or play at the nearest arcade (TIMEZONE!!).  He's even accompanied us girls in The Spa (over at Jupiter)!  He's now in the US, and we can really feel his absence..

     Next to leave is my best friend since high school.  We practically grew up together.  We've been bestfriends for more than half of our lives.  We shared so much together.  Even in misfortunes in our lovelives, we have so much in common.  She's really my soulmate.  She's in UK right now, and we only get to share stories via email or chat...

     James, a college friend, will also leave for Singapore next week.  On Wednesday, we might go out to give a "despedida" party for him.  I do hope he'll do great there!

     My bestfriend Mina is also bound to leave the country, she'll be leaving for Japan by the end of March.  She will be coming home though to attend our friends' wedding in October, but preparing for it would not be the same without her..

     These stories are starting to fill my eyes with tears..

"Strong Enough?"

A title of a song. Sung by Sheryl Crow. It just gives so much meaning to what I feel right now. I don't know, maybe its just all in my head. It feels like I'm floating, I'm lightheaded, but not in love as others may think.

I've been on a rollercoaster ride these past few weeks, spreading myself too thin in all the things I want to do, but the consolation is, I really am enjoying. I am having the time of my life, eventhough I am not with anybody.

**********Valentine's Day**********

My bestfriends gave this bouquet last Valentine's Day, it's very seldom that I receive flowers but I really love receiving them. Nice noh?

**********Cisco Skills Competition**********

Last Friday, the Mapua Team (School of ECE) won the first place in the NCR Cluster competition held at AMA Makati. They will be competing together with 4 others schools coming from different clusters throughout the Philippines. We are gunning for the First Place. I just hope they prepare enough for this competition. Here are my boys!

Mam from C3P, Sir G, Master Ninoy, Baby Jack, Andre Kulit, Silent Mike

and the rest of the C3P officers

Last night, we celebrated the victory at Syndel (videoke bar in Malate). Although the place was crawling with gay men, we had a blast because everybody participated in the singing (some of US were not willing to let go of the mic, hehehe!). I actually got wasted last night and woke up really early this morning. Pictures to be uploaded soon!

What I Have Learned in 2006

(A Collection of Clichés and What-not)

Here are some of the things I learned last year, some of them, I heard from a movie, a TV drama, a book I read or just conversing with people.

• More thought should be put into ending a relationship than beginning a new one.
• Not all problems have solutions. Sometimes we just have to let the problem solve itself. I guess it will. Eventually.
• Good friends can be counted using only one hand. Friends will come and go.
• There's such a thing as quarter-life crisis. It's the reason of "insanity" of some people my age.
• No man is an island. We will always have the urge to find somebody. Anybody.
• You can not have everything. At least you are not supposed to have everything.
• Love does not conquer all. Love for oneself does.
• The grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes, greener is not always better. It is just greener.
• Loving someone would mean giving that person the power to hurt you. But if he truly loves you, he would be very careful not to hurt you.
• The person who broke my heart does not have the right to dictate how I mend it. There are things that that person should not be able to control.
• When you are born, you are actually starting to die.

Will add some more as soon as I remember them all. (",)

Falling Into A Relapse

I've been ok these past few weeks, keeping myself busy and not thinking of the problems a past relationship has brought me. Basically, I was avoiding (like I always do) the problems. And I was doing good at it. I was actually forgetting all about it. And I was starting to fall for someone. He is starting to notice me. But then, one day, I had to do the most stupid thing. I messaged the most recent ex. It's not like all the feelings came back, I am quite sure now that I have very little feelings for him now. But it's the "ego / pride thing" that's killing me now. Why could he not fight for me? I am all good. That much I know. I wasn't the lucky one who's getting him, he's the lucky one who's receiving me. But why could he not chose me? Why not me?

Now, I am in this lonely hole I dropped myself into since messaging him. I couldn't tell anyone what I did because I'll never hear the end of it. I've done the most stupid thing! I hate relapses. It's making me do stupid things, say stupid stuff and hurt myself in the process. To think this season has the highest rate of depression. I'd really hate it if I fall into depression again. I just won't be able to handle it. I just can't.

My Christmas Wishlist!!

This year, I have a few things that I would like to buy for myself. I am not really looking forward to receiving them but if someone would be able to afford it, then that would be really nice. I've categorized them to two, the I CAN BUY NOW and the I CAN'T BUY NOW...

I CAN'T BUY NOW LIST

1) a new desktop pc or laptop (with an Intel Centrino or AMD Turion processor, at least) -- will get this soon!

2) the Motorola V3x 3G phone

3) a new Guess watch

4) Personal Training Sessions

5) Spa Visits

6) Bed Matress

I CAN BUY NOW LIST

1) a new sling bag (of course in black)

2) new pairs of shoes (of course, every woman desires these)

3) a new pair of denim jeans

4) new long or 3/4 sleeved shirts and blouses

5) Entourage, Smallville, Friends and some Korean Drama Series on DVD -- got them!
6) Voice Lessons (hehehe)

Will add new ones if ever I think of something else... (**,)

Two Birds with One Stone

Wala Lang

Sa Iyo, Kilala Mo Kung Sino Ka

Gusto ko lang magsulat, a message for no one really.

Mahal ko siya, alam ko mahal din niya ako.

Gusto ko lang magsulat, disappointments kung baga.

Pero, may mas mahal siyang iba.

Napag isip isip ko lang, na nakakagaan mag sulat.

Alam ko naman yun, niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko.

Maaaring di lang ako ang nakakabasa nito,

At ang totoo, kaya di nya ako kayang ipaglaban,

maaaring marami makaintindi sa nararamdaman ko.

dahil di niya ako ganun kamahal.

Ayaw kong isipin na failure ako,

Sana di na lang nya pinaramdam,

dahil alam ko na may mga naachieve na ako.

na may pagmamahal siya sa akin.

Pero aminado ako, failure ako sa madaming bagay.

Di sana ako nasasaktan ngayon, tahimik sana ako ngayon.

Naiingit ako sa madami kong kaibigan,

Gusto na kita kalimutan, palayain mo na sana ako.

dahil gusto nila ng ginagawa nila.

Sana makita ko na siya, ang lalaki ng panaginip ko.

Di na kasi ako sigurado sa gusto ko ngayon,

Maging masaya ka sana para sa akin,

di na gaya ng dati.

hilingin mo lahat ng mabuti para sa akin.

Yun na lang ang hihingin ko sayo, palayain mo na ako.

A Weird But Very Pleasant Dream.. Very Pleasant Indeed..

I just had a very pleasant dream, I even woke up smiling, and I didn't want to wake up. I wanted the dream to continue. I guess, it gave me hope, that everything will be alright. It was about a man, whom I think I was starting to like/love... Here's how it went:

I met him through a friend, he was tall and cute, in a "Marco Alcaraz" way kind of cute. He was studying to become a doctor, obviously younger than I am, but only 2 to 3 years. He also studied butterflies, he is facinated with them. He asked me out, we (my family and his friends) went to the beach. At first I didn't like him, I barely gave him attention, but then, his sweetness got to me. In the end, I missed him so much I kept hugging him, I know, I barely knew him, but the dream felt so long and real. I liked the way I felt when I hugged him, it was like his arms were protecting me from any harm. I fit perfectly into his arms, my head barely touch his shoulders. And he kissed me near my right brow, it was very innocent and true. Then, my alarm went off.

Very pleasant dream, I still can not stop myself from smiling.. (",)

A Stranger Made Me Smile

Last night, while waiting for the stoplight to turn green, I saw a boy, selling my favorite flower, the sampaguita. I hated the way the car smelled so I thought of buying from the boy. The flowers were overpriced, it cost me twice as much had I bought it in front of a church. But it was fine, I wanted to make the car smell better. I gave the 20 pesos to the kid, and he said with a smile, "Thank you Ma'am". Then he ran (more of galloped) to his grandmother and waved the 20 pesos with a huge smile on his face. Just when the light turned green, I glanced to where they were sitting, and I saw the boy, pointing at my car, as if telling his grandmother, it was I who bought the sampaguita. And, he was still smiling. It was how he acted that made me smile, it was actually his smile that made me smile. The child's smile was very innocent, it was worry-free. It was such a breath of fresh air.

*****

Thank You!

To all of those who read my previous post, and sent a private message to me, thank you very much! I really appreciate your warm thoughts. You all know who you are.. (",)

ang tunay na ako

gusto ko umiyak, ng malakas na malakas, gaya ng sa sanggol o sa batang paslit. gusto ko isigaw ang galit ko sa buong mundo. gusto ko mawala ang sakit at pait ng nakaraan. gusto ko ng bagong buhay. gusto ko ng panibagong pag asa, dahil namatay na ang dati kong pag asa. nawawala ko. wala yatang pupuntahan. walang babalikan. wala ng mga alaalang iisipin.

ako ang dapat gumawa ng sarili kong kinabukasan. di ko hihintayin ang ibibigay ng panahon. walang hihintayin, walang babalik - tanawan. gaano man kahirap, babangon ako. di kakalimutan ang nakaraan, para di na magkamaling muli.

nasasaktan ako, sobra sobra. paulit ulit. pero ito ang tadhanang pinili ko. hanggang dito na lang ang kaya ko. lumaban ko, ginawa ang lahat. pero, bigo pa din ako. tinatanggap ko na ang aking pagkabigo. di ko pala kaya lahat. di ko pala kaya magwagi sa lahat.

sa iyo, ang dahilan ng pagkabigo ko, ang dahilan ng mga luha ko, di ko hihilingin na maging masama ang kapalaran mo, hangad ko pa din ang lahat ng maganda at maigi para sa iyo. salamat sa pag kakataon. salamat sa mga alaalang pipilitin kong ibaon sa limot. salamat sa mga bagay na nagpasaya, nagpalungkot at nagpaiyak sa akin. salamat sa iyo.

tapos na. hanggang dito na lang. wala akong lakas sa ngayon, pero babalik din ang dating kong ngiti, ang dating kinang ng mga mata ko. babalik din ang dating ako. mas malakas. mas matalino. babalik din ang dating sigla ko. magbabalik din ang tunay na ako.

A Faint Glimmer of Hope

Like a candle that is slowly losing its light, my hope is like that faint glimmer, slowly fading. I've been trying to protect it, but my protection alone can not stop it from fading. I don't know if its worth protecting, but I do protect it still. Both my hands used to shield it, now, I only have one, the other, is held by another hand, a hand that is ready to pull me away, take me away.

Most of the time, I'd like to remove my hand away, because it is getting tired. I'd like to hold the hand that has been hanging on to my other hand. But still I'd like to protect that faint glimmer of hope, that keeps on shining through eventhough the wind has been blowing hard. If only my someone would hold that tired hand. If only that someone would protect that faint glimmer.. If only..

DAZED and CONFUSED

It's so damn hard to live. It's so damn hard to be a friend to me. I am so confused at what I want right now. I don't know what to do with myself. I have no direction in life. I can't ask for my friends' help anymore. I think it's too tiring to hear my problems, over and over again. I am at my wick's end. I have been avoiding this feeling for the past month. I know that all of this is going to catch up with me. I just want to be alone, or left alone. To think. But so much has been bothering me. I can't have the leisure and freedom to think, to be alone. I just want to rest. I just want a week for myself. No worries, no people to bug me, no pressure. But I can't. I have been giving so much to other people. I have nothing more for myself. I know I wanted to think of me first, but I just could not do it. I always feel guilty that I am being selfish. I want to spend money on myself, but I can't, because of all the responsibilities I have at home. I just want to lay in bed for a whole day, but I can't, I have to go to work. I want to drink til I can't see straight, I can't because I have to drive home, or I have to think of the headache in the morning. I want to shout. I want to fly. I just want to do whatever I want. Without limits. Without boundaries.

My New Haircut and A Cute Photo..

Richard and I (playing with our faces.. )

He is such a sweetheart! This was taken last August 31, last gig of the band U-Turn. Am I a vamp? My eyes are all red.. I dunno why..