My Bestfriend Nestle and I

Thanks to the SUN network, my bestfriend Nestle and I have reconnected.. I am quite happy with this because I really miss her. I miss her so much.. It's because with her, I can be myself, without any reservation. I can curse all I want, drink all I want, laugh as loud as I can and talk about stuff that I would normally not talk about with my other "friends". With her, I can be my honest self.

Although we've seen each other once or twice since I got into the Sun family, it is as if I do not need to see her, because I feel her presence. She just knows when to talk to me. She just knows when to ask how I am doing with my life. Seeing her and spending time with her would be a bonus.

We've been friends since first year high school, we were only 12 years old then, and now, we are 25 years old.. 13 years older but none the wiser.. hahaha.. I feel like we are a couple of 12-year-olds sent out to the adult world. Sure, we have responsibilities, but these responsibilities don't make us adults, its our decisions in life that makes us immature still, unfit to go out to the real world...

But at least, now, we have each other, we can guide each other, understand each other without any judgement or just be there for one another. I am thankful to God Almighty I have her as my bestfriend. She truly is a gift. (",)

::A Forwarded Text Message::

"You'll know that a guy loves you if he wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt him.. And you'll know how much you love him if you don't hurt him, even if you know you can.."

I'd like to reprase this forwarded text message, and make it not biased to males or females.. "You'll know that a person loves you if that person wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt that person.. And you'll know how much you love that person if you don't hurt that person, even if you know you can.."

So, this just says that you would try with all your might not to hurt a loved one because you love this person? He says he loves me and he knows that I get hurt when he does some things, but why does he still do those things that he knows hurts me a lot? Does that mean this person doesn't really love me?

You know that I am really beginning

to doubt your love for me.. You are

giving me reasons to doubt you..

I Am in a Relationship, But Not Really.

Those who are really close to me know what I mean.

When I think of our "relationship", tears always show at the edge of my eyes. Di naman ako umiiyak, naluluha lang. True, everytime I THINK of the situation I am in, I cry a little. I am not blaming anybody, I only have myself to blame. This is what I wanted, I am just getting what I deserve.

I am in love, yes, these are the happiest days of my life, but I can not claim that I am 100% happy. I love him so much it hurts. I know that this day will come. When fear starts creeping in.. Anticipating the hurt, the pain of this love will bring..

When I started to love him, I gave him the power to hurt me. Love will always come with pain I always say. But why does the pain have to be this much? Will it hurt more when I love him more??

A Nutcase's Insight...

Life's Decisions are Always DIFFICULT!

But these decisions have to be made.

Everyday, when I wake up, I am always faced with a decision. To stay or let go.

Staying would mean extending my "artificial happiness" while at the back of my mind I know there is nothing to be happy about.

*Artificial Happiness: a state of being of this Nutcase's

superficial, looking fine and happy but deep

inside there is nothing but pain and tears.

Letting go would mean pain but in time, I know I will heal. Letting go would also mean hurting him, asking him to let go and stop fighting for something we do not know is worth fighting for.

True love should be given a chance, true love should be worth fighting for.. But what if this is not true love??

I question myself everyday, not making a decision is just prolonging the agony. Pushing the question aside and not making a decision is like making a decision to stay. In the mean time, I live each day as if it were my last... I am going to die anyway... WE are all going to die anyway.. hahahaha...