Got Drunk!!

It has been awhile since I last got drunk, it was in the good old days of "bonding" with the MPRH crew (or was it with the Earnshaw crew??!) .. We finished 2 bottles of brandy, only to find out that I will get drunk on 5 shots alone. I couldn't walk straight and my world was really swirling. I believe I was so kulit. (So sorry friends!!)... I really did not intend to get drunk, much less drink, but we were celebrating. My friend has finally got married with his long time girlfriend. We were so happy and proud of him. Enough reason for me to get a little woozy.. Congrats friend!!! (",)

The Da Vinci Code

Finally, I was able to finish this very intriguing book. When I first heard of this book, it made an impression on me that it may change the way I perceive my religion. Well, it did not. Mainly because before I started with this book, I made it very clear to myself that this is FICTION. A fact that most people must take into account before reading this book. Although the book has referred to some things that are real, we still have to realize that this book is FICTION. It was made to amuse or entertain us, not confuse us. My sister has also argued with me on this, saying what a certain channel has contested the contents of the book. I just told her, the book is fiction, it is not supposed to be taken so seriously. What readers should concentrate on are how intelligent the characters are, the plot of the story, the twists and how the lead characters were able to get out of some sticky situations in the story. I believe the author has done a great job of keeping me guessing what will happen next. I really loved the ending!

Single (Again?!) and Yet Unavailable

Yes. I am single again but then, I am unavailable. My heart has been hardened by past experiences. I hope in time, I'd be able to accept someone in it again. As of now, I have to love myself first. Sometimes, I feel the urge to ask my Maker for signs, whether I am meant for someone or for single blessedness. But I heard somewhere that I should not be worried, that I should just lift up my burden to Him because His will be done. Well then, His will be done, be it single blessedness or not.

Totally Confused

Here I go again, with all the things that are happening around me, I still do not know what to do. I have a goal and yet I do not know how to reach that goal. There are so many roads to choose from, and I can't decide which road to take. Maybe, just maybe, I am looking at the wrong goal that's why I am so confused. I just can't DECIDE!!!!

I have so many things to consider, my family, my friends, my special someone and most importantly, my self. I know its about time that I do what I want, but doing so might make people who are close to my heart unhappy. And I do not want to be happy while making these people unhappy. But if these people love me, I believe they will be happy for me. I just hope they would.

I Don't Trust You

I really am not in a position to say this, but i don't.. I'm sorry, I don't.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Well, I sort of celebrated my birthday this year a bit different. It was my officemate's wedding and I sort of celebrated it there. I started my birthday with DOTA and ended it still playing DOTA. hehehe.. It's one unforgettable birthday!

Sing a song....

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE (BEATLES)

(if you don't know the song, click here)

Love, love, love.

Love, love, love.

Love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.

It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.

It's easy.

All you need is love.

All you need is love.

All you need is love, love.

Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.

Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy.

All you need is love.

All you need is love.

All you need is love, love.

Love is all you need.

Looking Forward

Instead of looking back to what I have done in 2005, I just want to be positive and look forward to 2006. Here are some of the things I want to achieve this year (or in the next few years..)

--> ME FIRST! Love myself first. Serve myself first. Think of my needs first.

--> Finally decide on what I want to do with my life and career.

--> Lose weight again and maintain the weight loss. (Its not difficult to lose the extra pounds, what I had trouble with is maintaining the weight loss).

Quite vague, but my goals are very true. And these goals are realistic. That much, I know.

Finding a man is not really one of my goals. If it happens that I will live the rest of my life in single blessedness, then so be it. At my age, I really am not looking for just anybody. If he arrives, then thanks, if he doesn't, then it's still ok with me.

Standing Up After Falling Down I had my doubts about myself, whether I can pick up the pieces after I failed at something. Come to think of it, I really am not afraid of failure, I am more afraid to stand up after a failure. I am not used to failure that I am so unsure of what to do next. I am still feeling every step I take now, not knowing where to go or what to do, I am taking it one day at a time. My Nokia 6600 Its finally fixed! After a few months tinkering and problematic days of usage of this mobile phone, it's actually fixed. What a relief! I really missed this gadget, it may be outdated by I love my phone, I don't think I will replace this in the very near future. I'll be able to take picture again of random events, unaware people and beautiful sights. The resolution may not be good but the memory of the picture is much more important to me.... (",)

Fallin' in love.. Fallin' out of it...

Falling in love is such a wonderful experience. Being in love is so much better. Such an incomparable feeling. Such a happy feeling...That is, if you are not in a situation like mine...
After a few months of being in this relationship, I seem to be confused. Am I still in love with this man? Am I doing all this sacrifice /compromise for him because I am in love with him, or I am just trying to make it work just to prove to myself that I can make it work? I've become a cynic when it comes to relationships, I am surrounded with failed relationships that I really don't expect any relationship to last long.
I am really unhappy with my relationship with him. I just can't say it to his face. I am so afraid that by telling the truth, he'll be disappointed and unhappy. I still love him that way, I mean, I don't want him to feel unhappy. But right now, I really can't say that he makes me happy, even when we are together. All I want to do is cry. I think he knows why I am so unhappy, he just can't do anything about it.
What will make me happy? Ultimately happy? I do not know yet. But plain happines? All I know is that he can not give me what I NEED, and I know this NEED will make me happy.
If in case I am still inlove with him... I am sorry, I just want to fall out of love with him...

Inside of Me

I feel so empty. So empty that I do not feel anything anymore. Haay... Gulo ko talaga..

I Am Depressed

Actually, nobody has noticed, I am depressed, for more than a week now. So many issues have been circulating my mind for some time now, and everything came down on me at the same time. My only refuge is work, I have absorbed myself into work that I didn't notice these issues were slowly drowning me. And I am now drowning. Somebody save me...

My Bestfriend Nestle and I

Thanks to the SUN network, my bestfriend Nestle and I have reconnected.. I am quite happy with this because I really miss her. I miss her so much.. It's because with her, I can be myself, without any reservation. I can curse all I want, drink all I want, laugh as loud as I can and talk about stuff that I would normally not talk about with my other "friends". With her, I can be my honest self.

Although we've seen each other once or twice since I got into the Sun family, it is as if I do not need to see her, because I feel her presence. She just knows when to talk to me. She just knows when to ask how I am doing with my life. Seeing her and spending time with her would be a bonus.

We've been friends since first year high school, we were only 12 years old then, and now, we are 25 years old.. 13 years older but none the wiser.. hahaha.. I feel like we are a couple of 12-year-olds sent out to the adult world. Sure, we have responsibilities, but these responsibilities don't make us adults, its our decisions in life that makes us immature still, unfit to go out to the real world...

But at least, now, we have each other, we can guide each other, understand each other without any judgement or just be there for one another. I am thankful to God Almighty I have her as my bestfriend. She truly is a gift. (",)

::A Forwarded Text Message::

"You'll know that a guy loves you if he wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt him.. And you'll know how much you love him if you don't hurt him, even if you know you can.."

I'd like to reprase this forwarded text message, and make it not biased to males or females.. "You'll know that a person loves you if that person wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt that person.. And you'll know how much you love that person if you don't hurt that person, even if you know you can.."

So, this just says that you would try with all your might not to hurt a loved one because you love this person? He says he loves me and he knows that I get hurt when he does some things, but why does he still do those things that he knows hurts me a lot? Does that mean this person doesn't really love me?

You know that I am really beginning

to doubt your love for me.. You are

giving me reasons to doubt you..

I Am in a Relationship, But Not Really.

Those who are really close to me know what I mean.

When I think of our "relationship", tears always show at the edge of my eyes. Di naman ako umiiyak, naluluha lang. True, everytime I THINK of the situation I am in, I cry a little. I am not blaming anybody, I only have myself to blame. This is what I wanted, I am just getting what I deserve.

I am in love, yes, these are the happiest days of my life, but I can not claim that I am 100% happy. I love him so much it hurts. I know that this day will come. When fear starts creeping in.. Anticipating the hurt, the pain of this love will bring..

When I started to love him, I gave him the power to hurt me. Love will always come with pain I always say. But why does the pain have to be this much? Will it hurt more when I love him more??

A Nutcase's Insight...

Life's Decisions are Always DIFFICULT!

But these decisions have to be made.

Everyday, when I wake up, I am always faced with a decision. To stay or let go.

Staying would mean extending my "artificial happiness" while at the back of my mind I know there is nothing to be happy about.

*Artificial Happiness: a state of being of this Nutcase's

superficial, looking fine and happy but deep

inside there is nothing but pain and tears.

Letting go would mean pain but in time, I know I will heal. Letting go would also mean hurting him, asking him to let go and stop fighting for something we do not know is worth fighting for.

True love should be given a chance, true love should be worth fighting for.. But what if this is not true love??

I question myself everyday, not making a decision is just prolonging the agony. Pushing the question aside and not making a decision is like making a decision to stay. In the mean time, I live each day as if it were my last... I am going to die anyway... WE are all going to die anyway.. hahahaha...

Horoscope.. Anyone??

This is my Friendster horoscope for the day:

The Bottom Line
Sometimes something that seems simple is actually very complicated. So be careful.
In Detail
You're the kind of person who just can't settle for anything less than the whole shebang. That's the way you are on a daily basis, but the way you're feeling now ... well, let's just say that you won't even be able to convincingly fake being satisfied if you're not. And that will be true for just about any department of life. When it comes down to the issue of love, you really won't be up for pretending.

Quite true for today, I am really not up to pretending. I am very much disappointed with what happened for the past 2 days. And I am terrible with expressing my disappointments. Sometimes, it is misinterpreted as anger or hatred.

I am not angry, I am just disappointed with what you said.

Sometimes, I hate texting, its because you don't get to express what you really feel.. or sometimes people tend to misinterpret what you feel with the text message you sent..

I am not angry, I am just disappointed with what you said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Its 3pm, and I have to work again. Its the beginning of a new term but I feel so burned out. I have so many things to do considering its just the first day of classes. Haay.. I need to take a break from all of this..

CRAVING!!!

I'm craving for Don Henrico's Pasta.. But I guess I can cook naman for myself. Maybe this weekend, I'll try to cook my tuna pasta ala chamba.. Hehehe...

I am also craving for something else.. No, I'm not craving for food.. It's been a week since I went to the gym eh, I attended 2 aerobics classes. But I've been busy that I have neglected my weight training. Still, I still just want to attend the aero classes rather than continue weight training.. hehe... So, I am craving for aero classes.. I actually miss my "classmates"..

Well, another term has ended, I am thinking of rewarding myself. But I have been rewarding myself naman all throughout the term so I think I won't reward myself this time. I just hope that during this term break, I'll be able to spend more quality time with my Baby... Hhhmmm...

Growing Up

My friend's wife, Eliza, sent this to me.. I think I've read this once, but it never had an impact on me as it has now.

Dont grow old, grow up

Many people are afraid of growing old. I`m afraid of growing old and boring. Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I`m afraid of growing old, insane. Many people are afraid of losing their looks. I`m afraid of losing my dreams. Many people are afraid of losing their youth. I`m afraid of losing my soul.

When you`re 15, 35 seems ancient. When you`re 35, 15 seems juvenile. A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past and before you know it, it`s only a mile to the next millenium. Don`t fear age- it`s a right of personhood. Don`t fear it, it`s God`s greatest jest. Don`t grow old - you don`t have to.

Don`t date because you`re desperate. Don`t marry because you`re miserable. Don`t have kids because you think your genes are superior. Don`t separate because you think it`s fashionable. Don`t drink because you have troubles. Don`t gamble because you think winning is inevitable. Don`t philander because you think you`re irresistible. Most likely, you`re not. Don`t associate with people you can`t trust. Don`t cheat. Don`t lie. Don`t pretend. Don`t try to buy your way into the kingdom of God. Don`t dictate because you`re smarter. Don`t demand because you`re stronger. Don`t sleep around because you think you`re old enough and know better. Don`t hurt your kids because loving them is harder. Don`t sell your self, your family or your ideals.

Don`t stagnate. Don`t regress. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career. Don`t live in the past. Time can`t bring anything or anyone back. Don`t put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right. Don`t throw you life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you can`t afford to have your eggs harvested before the new millenium.

There`s always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does not always belong to those who finish first. Sometimes, there is no race to be won only a price to be paid for some of life`s more hasty decisions. You can`t always go with the throng who would be wrong. Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless. To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy. To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don`t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons. To keep yourself warm, buy a jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and less costly. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.

Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements - abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons. Don`t abandon your responsibilities but don`t overdose on duty. Don`t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family. Be true to yourself. Don`t commit when you`re not ready. Don`t keep others waiting needlessly. Fall in love - it`s the greatest thing on earth. But take care and remember, after the fall must come the rise.

Go on that trip. Don`t postpone it. Say those words. Don`t let the moment pass. Do what you must even at society`s scorn. Write poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself. Don`t wait for someone to take care of you. You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination. No one completes you - except you.

It is true that life doesn`t get easier with age. It only gets more challenging. Don`t be afraid. Don`t lose your capacity to love. Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don`t lose faith in God. Don`t grow old. Just grow up.

Maaga na naman Ako sa Office...

So early in the morning, and I am blogging...

I didn't get a good night's sleep, I woke up three times, at 1:30am, at 3am and at 4:30am. One and a half hour intervals. I don't know why, maybe because I am VERY MUCH uncomfortable with my Babylet's whereabouts.. (Babylet, if and when you read this, don't get angry ah.. Your Mahal is just so jealous.. hehehe..)

What has been happening these past few days.. Hmmm...
>> Still not speaking with my Dad, brother and sister
>> Had a visitor yesterday, saying she'll help me fulfill my dreams... hehehe..
>> Been seeing my Babylet for the past 10 consecutive days.. Wow!
>> Went to the gym, attended Yoga last Tuesday, felt so relaxed after yoga, so relaxed I almost fell asleep while we were resting after the workout..Namaste!
>> Been with my bestfriend Mina and her old/new beau K-el for two consecutive Sundays..
>> Been drunk for two consecutive Mondays.. But it was one hell of a night for Videoke (should I say two? hhmmm...)

Can't say much na, maybe when I backtrack to this entry I'll laugh so hard that people might think I am crazy.. hehehe...

Di Pala Kita Kayang Iwan...

..sa ngayon..

Madami na din tayong pinagdaanan, pinagtalunan, at pinagtawanan.. Nakakatuwa, di ka pa din nagsasawa... Sa tuwing tinatanong ko kung sawa ka na, lagi ang sagot mo, malaking problema yun, dahil di mangyayari yun.. Gustong gusto ko maniwala, pero iba ang sinasabi ng isip ko.. Kaya nga ang pagmamahal ay nararamdaman sa puso, di sa isip... Ah ewan, di ko alam, magulo talaga ako.. Inlove nga siguro ako sa'yo. Para akong tanga ano? Hehehe...

..paano kaya bukas..

Ilang bukas pa kaya ang mabibilang ko na magkasama tayo.. Ilang beses ko pa maaamoy ang amoy mo sa damit at balat ko.. Ilang beses ko pa maririnig ang mahal kita.. Mukha ba akong nagdududa?

Pasensya ka na, ganito lang ako.. Nahihirapan lang ako tanggapin na mayroon palang tao na may ganitong pagmamahal para sa akin..

Waaahhh.. Drama... Corny pa...

Ayaw ko ng drama.. mas lalo ayaw ko ng corny.. pero inlove ako eh, kaya sorry na lang sa mga nakakabasa nito..

Mahal na mahal kita babylet.. Sana alam mo yan... (",)

Constantly.. You're on My Mind

alam mo na kung sino ka, you really madE my world spin faster and slower at the same time.. thanks for Making me feel special.. i reAlly believe you love me. iN time, we'll know why the Lord has decided to bring us together and break us apart.. i love you..

This song is for you...

Time to Say Goodbye - Nina

Just beyond the day I said hello to you.

Now it seems like time has passed us by.

I wish there was a treasure I could show to you

To make our love to grow and never die.

Chorus:

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Now I think I’m gonna cry

But at least I know we try

Oh baby it’s time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to all the things we hold so dear to us.

Goodbye to all the things we used to do.

Goodbye to everybody far and near to us

But that won’t ever stop me from loving you.

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Wish I didn’t have to go

But deep inside I know

That baby it’s time to say goodbye.

It’s time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Goodbye…

goodbye…

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Wish I didn’t have to go

But deep inside I know

That baby it’s time to say goodbye.

It’s time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye to all the things we used to do now

It’s time to say goodbye to all the family and friends

It’s time to say goodbye to all the friends we used to see now

Even though I know that this is really not the end

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Goodbye

I Think I am Loved...

Di ko pa masabi I am in love pero I think he loves me..

Yun lang..

iloveyou my baby...(",)