Standing Up After Falling Down I had my doubts about myself, whether I can pick up the pieces after I failed at something. Come to think of it, I really am not afraid of failure, I am more afraid to stand up after a failure. I am not used to failure that I am so unsure of what to do next. I am still feeling every step I take now, not knowing where to go or what to do, I am taking it one day at a time. My Nokia 6600 Its finally fixed! After a few months tinkering and problematic days of usage of this mobile phone, it's actually fixed. What a relief! I really missed this gadget, it may be outdated by I love my phone, I don't think I will replace this in the very near future. I'll be able to take picture again of random events, unaware people and beautiful sights. The resolution may not be good but the memory of the picture is much more important to me.... (",)

Fallin' in love.. Fallin' out of it...

Falling in love is such a wonderful experience. Being in love is so much better. Such an incomparable feeling. Such a happy feeling...That is, if you are not in a situation like mine...
After a few months of being in this relationship, I seem to be confused. Am I still in love with this man? Am I doing all this sacrifice /compromise for him because I am in love with him, or I am just trying to make it work just to prove to myself that I can make it work? I've become a cynic when it comes to relationships, I am surrounded with failed relationships that I really don't expect any relationship to last long.
I am really unhappy with my relationship with him. I just can't say it to his face. I am so afraid that by telling the truth, he'll be disappointed and unhappy. I still love him that way, I mean, I don't want him to feel unhappy. But right now, I really can't say that he makes me happy, even when we are together. All I want to do is cry. I think he knows why I am so unhappy, he just can't do anything about it.
What will make me happy? Ultimately happy? I do not know yet. But plain happines? All I know is that he can not give me what I NEED, and I know this NEED will make me happy.
If in case I am still inlove with him... I am sorry, I just want to fall out of love with him...

Inside of Me

I feel so empty. So empty that I do not feel anything anymore. Haay... Gulo ko talaga..

I Am Depressed

Actually, nobody has noticed, I am depressed, for more than a week now. So many issues have been circulating my mind for some time now, and everything came down on me at the same time. My only refuge is work, I have absorbed myself into work that I didn't notice these issues were slowly drowning me. And I am now drowning. Somebody save me...

My Bestfriend Nestle and I

Thanks to the SUN network, my bestfriend Nestle and I have reconnected.. I am quite happy with this because I really miss her. I miss her so much.. It's because with her, I can be myself, without any reservation. I can curse all I want, drink all I want, laugh as loud as I can and talk about stuff that I would normally not talk about with my other "friends". With her, I can be my honest self.

Although we've seen each other once or twice since I got into the Sun family, it is as if I do not need to see her, because I feel her presence. She just knows when to talk to me. She just knows when to ask how I am doing with my life. Seeing her and spending time with her would be a bonus.

We've been friends since first year high school, we were only 12 years old then, and now, we are 25 years old.. 13 years older but none the wiser.. hahaha.. I feel like we are a couple of 12-year-olds sent out to the adult world. Sure, we have responsibilities, but these responsibilities don't make us adults, its our decisions in life that makes us immature still, unfit to go out to the real world...

But at least, now, we have each other, we can guide each other, understand each other without any judgement or just be there for one another. I am thankful to God Almighty I have her as my bestfriend. She truly is a gift. (",)

::A Forwarded Text Message::

"You'll know that a guy loves you if he wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt him.. And you'll know how much you love him if you don't hurt him, even if you know you can.."

I'd like to reprase this forwarded text message, and make it not biased to males or females.. "You'll know that a person loves you if that person wouldn't hurt you no matter how much you hurt that person.. And you'll know how much you love that person if you don't hurt that person, even if you know you can.."

So, this just says that you would try with all your might not to hurt a loved one because you love this person? He says he loves me and he knows that I get hurt when he does some things, but why does he still do those things that he knows hurts me a lot? Does that mean this person doesn't really love me?

You know that I am really beginning

to doubt your love for me.. You are

giving me reasons to doubt you..

I Am in a Relationship, But Not Really.

Those who are really close to me know what I mean.

When I think of our "relationship", tears always show at the edge of my eyes. Di naman ako umiiyak, naluluha lang. True, everytime I THINK of the situation I am in, I cry a little. I am not blaming anybody, I only have myself to blame. This is what I wanted, I am just getting what I deserve.

I am in love, yes, these are the happiest days of my life, but I can not claim that I am 100% happy. I love him so much it hurts. I know that this day will come. When fear starts creeping in.. Anticipating the hurt, the pain of this love will bring..

When I started to love him, I gave him the power to hurt me. Love will always come with pain I always say. But why does the pain have to be this much? Will it hurt more when I love him more??

A Nutcase's Insight...

Life's Decisions are Always DIFFICULT!

But these decisions have to be made.

Everyday, when I wake up, I am always faced with a decision. To stay or let go.

Staying would mean extending my "artificial happiness" while at the back of my mind I know there is nothing to be happy about.

*Artificial Happiness: a state of being of this Nutcase's

superficial, looking fine and happy but deep

inside there is nothing but pain and tears.

Letting go would mean pain but in time, I know I will heal. Letting go would also mean hurting him, asking him to let go and stop fighting for something we do not know is worth fighting for.

True love should be given a chance, true love should be worth fighting for.. But what if this is not true love??

I question myself everyday, not making a decision is just prolonging the agony. Pushing the question aside and not making a decision is like making a decision to stay. In the mean time, I live each day as if it were my last... I am going to die anyway... WE are all going to die anyway.. hahahaha...

Horoscope.. Anyone??

This is my Friendster horoscope for the day:

The Bottom Line
Sometimes something that seems simple is actually very complicated. So be careful.
In Detail
You're the kind of person who just can't settle for anything less than the whole shebang. That's the way you are on a daily basis, but the way you're feeling now ... well, let's just say that you won't even be able to convincingly fake being satisfied if you're not. And that will be true for just about any department of life. When it comes down to the issue of love, you really won't be up for pretending.

Quite true for today, I am really not up to pretending. I am very much disappointed with what happened for the past 2 days. And I am terrible with expressing my disappointments. Sometimes, it is misinterpreted as anger or hatred.

I am not angry, I am just disappointed with what you said.

Sometimes, I hate texting, its because you don't get to express what you really feel.. or sometimes people tend to misinterpret what you feel with the text message you sent..

I am not angry, I am just disappointed with what you said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Its 3pm, and I have to work again. Its the beginning of a new term but I feel so burned out. I have so many things to do considering its just the first day of classes. Haay.. I need to take a break from all of this..

CRAVING!!!

I'm craving for Don Henrico's Pasta.. But I guess I can cook naman for myself. Maybe this weekend, I'll try to cook my tuna pasta ala chamba.. Hehehe...

I am also craving for something else.. No, I'm not craving for food.. It's been a week since I went to the gym eh, I attended 2 aerobics classes. But I've been busy that I have neglected my weight training. Still, I still just want to attend the aero classes rather than continue weight training.. hehe... So, I am craving for aero classes.. I actually miss my "classmates"..

Well, another term has ended, I am thinking of rewarding myself. But I have been rewarding myself naman all throughout the term so I think I won't reward myself this time. I just hope that during this term break, I'll be able to spend more quality time with my Baby... Hhhmmm...

Growing Up

My friend's wife, Eliza, sent this to me.. I think I've read this once, but it never had an impact on me as it has now.

Dont grow old, grow up

Many people are afraid of growing old. I`m afraid of growing old and boring. Many people are afraid of growing old, alone. I`m afraid of growing old, insane. Many people are afraid of losing their looks. I`m afraid of losing my dreams. Many people are afraid of losing their youth. I`m afraid of losing my soul.

When you`re 15, 35 seems ancient. When you`re 35, 15 seems juvenile. A turnaround in a split second - two decades zoom past and before you know it, it`s only a mile to the next millenium. Don`t fear age- it`s a right of personhood. Don`t fear it, it`s God`s greatest jest. Don`t grow old - you don`t have to.

Don`t date because you`re desperate. Don`t marry because you`re miserable. Don`t have kids because you think your genes are superior. Don`t separate because you think it`s fashionable. Don`t drink because you have troubles. Don`t gamble because you think winning is inevitable. Don`t philander because you think you`re irresistible. Most likely, you`re not. Don`t associate with people you can`t trust. Don`t cheat. Don`t lie. Don`t pretend. Don`t try to buy your way into the kingdom of God. Don`t dictate because you`re smarter. Don`t demand because you`re stronger. Don`t sleep around because you think you`re old enough and know better. Don`t hurt your kids because loving them is harder. Don`t sell your self, your family or your ideals.

Don`t stagnate. Don`t regress. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career. Don`t live in the past. Time can`t bring anything or anyone back. Don`t put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right. Don`t throw you life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking and you can`t afford to have your eggs harvested before the new millenium.

There`s always a mad rush to something, somewhere but victory does not always belong to those who finish first. Sometimes, there is no race to be won only a price to be paid for some of life`s more hasty decisions. You can`t always go with the throng who would be wrong. Sometimes, you have to be alone to be enlightened.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless. To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy. To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don`t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons. To keep yourself warm, buy a jacket. In the long-run, it will be less complicated and less costly. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.

Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements - abusive friends, nasty habits and dangerous liaisons. Don`t abandon your responsibilities but don`t overdose on duty. Don`t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family. Be true to yourself. Don`t commit when you`re not ready. Don`t keep others waiting needlessly. Fall in love - it`s the greatest thing on earth. But take care and remember, after the fall must come the rise.

Go on that trip. Don`t postpone it. Say those words. Don`t let the moment pass. Do what you must even at society`s scorn. Write poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Hold hands. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself. Don`t wait for someone to take care of you. You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination. No one completes you - except you.

It is true that life doesn`t get easier with age. It only gets more challenging. Don`t be afraid. Don`t lose your capacity to love. Pursue your passions. Live your dreams. Don`t lose faith in God. Don`t grow old. Just grow up.

Maaga na naman Ako sa Office...

So early in the morning, and I am blogging...

I didn't get a good night's sleep, I woke up three times, at 1:30am, at 3am and at 4:30am. One and a half hour intervals. I don't know why, maybe because I am VERY MUCH uncomfortable with my Babylet's whereabouts.. (Babylet, if and when you read this, don't get angry ah.. Your Mahal is just so jealous.. hehehe..)

What has been happening these past few days.. Hmmm...
>> Still not speaking with my Dad, brother and sister
>> Had a visitor yesterday, saying she'll help me fulfill my dreams... hehehe..
>> Been seeing my Babylet for the past 10 consecutive days.. Wow!
>> Went to the gym, attended Yoga last Tuesday, felt so relaxed after yoga, so relaxed I almost fell asleep while we were resting after the workout..Namaste!
>> Been with my bestfriend Mina and her old/new beau K-el for two consecutive Sundays..
>> Been drunk for two consecutive Mondays.. But it was one hell of a night for Videoke (should I say two? hhmmm...)

Can't say much na, maybe when I backtrack to this entry I'll laugh so hard that people might think I am crazy.. hehehe...

Di Pala Kita Kayang Iwan...

..sa ngayon..

Madami na din tayong pinagdaanan, pinagtalunan, at pinagtawanan.. Nakakatuwa, di ka pa din nagsasawa... Sa tuwing tinatanong ko kung sawa ka na, lagi ang sagot mo, malaking problema yun, dahil di mangyayari yun.. Gustong gusto ko maniwala, pero iba ang sinasabi ng isip ko.. Kaya nga ang pagmamahal ay nararamdaman sa puso, di sa isip... Ah ewan, di ko alam, magulo talaga ako.. Inlove nga siguro ako sa'yo. Para akong tanga ano? Hehehe...

..paano kaya bukas..

Ilang bukas pa kaya ang mabibilang ko na magkasama tayo.. Ilang beses ko pa maaamoy ang amoy mo sa damit at balat ko.. Ilang beses ko pa maririnig ang mahal kita.. Mukha ba akong nagdududa?

Pasensya ka na, ganito lang ako.. Nahihirapan lang ako tanggapin na mayroon palang tao na may ganitong pagmamahal para sa akin..

Waaahhh.. Drama... Corny pa...

Ayaw ko ng drama.. mas lalo ayaw ko ng corny.. pero inlove ako eh, kaya sorry na lang sa mga nakakabasa nito..

Mahal na mahal kita babylet.. Sana alam mo yan... (",)

Constantly.. You're on My Mind

alam mo na kung sino ka, you really madE my world spin faster and slower at the same time.. thanks for Making me feel special.. i reAlly believe you love me. iN time, we'll know why the Lord has decided to bring us together and break us apart.. i love you..

This song is for you...

Time to Say Goodbye - Nina

Just beyond the day I said hello to you.

Now it seems like time has passed us by.

I wish there was a treasure I could show to you

To make our love to grow and never die.

Chorus:

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Now I think I’m gonna cry

But at least I know we try

Oh baby it’s time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to all the things we hold so dear to us.

Goodbye to all the things we used to do.

Goodbye to everybody far and near to us

But that won’t ever stop me from loving you.

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Wish I didn’t have to go

But deep inside I know

That baby it’s time to say goodbye.

It’s time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Goodbye…

goodbye…

Now it’s time to say goodbye

I don’t know why

Things happen as they do w/ only you

Wish I didn’t have to go

But deep inside I know

That baby it’s time to say goodbye.

It’s time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye to all the things we used to do now

It’s time to say goodbye to all the family and friends

It’s time to say goodbye to all the friends we used to see now

Even though I know that this is really not the end

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Goodbye

I Think I am Loved...

Di ko pa masabi I am in love pero I think he loves me..

Yun lang..

iloveyou my baby...(",)

Reasons Why I Get a Haircut

Here are some of the reasons why I cut my hair:
1. Its too long, too many split ends
2. Tired of the hairstyle
3. Its hot (like right now, its really hot in this country!)
4. Got into a fight with the current beau
5. Decided to end a relationship

Just got a haircut.. Wanna ask me why I decided to chop it off? Hahaha..

(Took this picture while I was driving)

Beaching Around...

San Juan, Batangas --> Subic --> Puerto Galera.. All in a Week!!!

What a week!! Last week, I went to 3 different beaches: one in San Juan,Batangas, one in Subic, and one in Puerto Galera (White Beach!)..

Look at my sunburn!!!

One of my goals for this summer is to have my skin darkened, and it worked.. It shocked many, but I think the feedback is good. Many told me that it looked good on me. Its because I am not all black, I am tan, thanks to Coke! hehe..

First Destination: San Juan, Batangas.. (April 12 - 13, overnight!)

Went to this place on adventure.. Meaning to say, we do not know where it is.. HAHAHA!! It was a total blast! We played volleyball on Tuesday night and on Wednesday morning.. They played "in-between" the whole night.. And I didn't get a lot of sleep because of the reptile hanging on the roof of our room.. To think I just got back from a few days of fever...

Attendance: ME, Sir Glen, Allan, Asaf, Candido, Kresa, Louie, Patrick, Rommel and Tristan

Me and Rommel on the "white sands" of San Juan, Batangas.. It's rather "creamy white" .. hehe..

Had my picture taken on top of a rock..

Second Destination: Subic, Zambales (April 14, wholeday)

Still burned from sunbathing in Batangas, the following day, I went with my Comm 2 students to Zambales, for another beach outing! They were also a blast! Food was great! All I did that day was EAT, SLEEP and SWIM!

Attendance: ME, Jonas, Ces, Greg, Chris, Carreon, Ella, Patron, Em, Felix (and their hunny bunnies, can't remember all their names.. sowi po..)

Third Destination: White Beach, Puerto Galera (April 16 - 17, overnight ulit!)

Rested for one day, to recover from 3 days of "beaching around".. On the night of April 15, I didn't sleep, because I had to leave at 3am to meet my friends in Alabang.. We arrived at the Batangas Port at around 6am, bought the tickets and were on our way to Galera at around 7am, arrived at around 8:00 am.. I didn't expect Galera to be that crowded but oh my God, it was way crowded.. Again, I went sunbathing, rode the banana - boat, more sunbathing, gimik night out (more like flirted around.. hehehe..) with Charles, Mina, Les and Wilson (Charles! Remember Stripe Boy!! He's really cute!!), Jetski the following morning, snorkling, more sunbathing and a whole lot of picture-taking.. hahaha!

This picture shows the ladies of Da Kolokoys.. Janine, Mina, Maruth and Iris (singit si papa jep, yung naka yellow)

Another cute picture, courtesy of Jake.. artistic pala ang loloh ko.. O di ba, lakas ng loob ko, naka - 2 - piece bathing suit ako!

Attendance: ME, Charles, Leslie, Mina, Janine and Wilson, Alvin and Myra, Jeff and ELiza and Baby Erin and Ate Myrna, Iris and Jerome, and the soon-to-be wed Jake and Shiela..

To sum it all up, I really enjoyed this one whole week.. I hope I could do this again.. hhhhmmmm...

I'm Back! Yah, well, sort of...

To those who are wondering what happened to me..
My heartfelt thanks to those who were very much worried, I was sick, bedridden for two whole days. It was really embarrassing for me when I attended this function on Thursday; I slept half of the day because I was not really feeling very well. On Friday, I really could not get up, my sister and I were the only ones at home, and my sister was asleep all day, I definitely could not take care of myself. I was hungry but I could not eat, because I knew I was going to throw it up anyway. My fever was really high, I could not stand up. Fortunately, my brother came home that night, and he really wanted to take me to the hospital because I was twitching in pain, my fever was high and he could not talk to me. I didn't want to be taken to the hospital (I didn't want to spend money! Had I died that night I could only blame myself for my stinginess! Hahaha!) It turned out that I have the stomach flu. I still do. But it’s not anymore accompanied with the high fever, sore muscles, and a whole lot of vomiting.

But I am a little bit fine now, well not really, while all of this is happening to me physically, I am mentally tortured and hurt by some words that were said maybe not to me directly but to a “bridge”. I never thought that this person still does not know the real me. I have always been a “what – you – see – is – what – you – get” type of person, I really could not imagine this happened to me or this is happening to me. I just want to fall asleep, just like when I was sick, and wake up to a brand new life. It’s really tiring to prove my genuineness as a person, but what’s more tiring is the fact that I really can not please everybody. Maybe it’s time I take care of myself, do things that will make ME happy.

Haay.. I just wish I CAN DO JUST THAT.

Miss MaKooLiT Recommends...

I bought a few OPM cds this past week.. I recommend:

Nina Live! Album..

I love this album.. I like every song and it has been playing on my pc or on the CD player eversince I bought it.. But of course, I have a few favorites (these are the ones I saved on my mp3 player..)..

I like:
*Love Moves In Mysterious Ways -everyone loves this song.. especially the ones in the "in-love" mode
*Stay (with me) - I just love how Nina sang it..
*Coloured Kisses
*Anything For You - This is my song for him..
*I Don't Wnat To Be Your Friend (Bonus Track) - Bitter song but I love it! (",)

It has 19 tracks and it only costs 280 pesos! Sulit!!! I hope they release a DVD of the performance!

(",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",)

Nyoy Volante & Mannos' OPM Klasiks



Another sulit album.. The album cover is really fun! 17 tracks for 250 pesos! Sulit na sulit.. Can't wait to have it signed..
I like:
*Beep Beep
*Each Day With You
*Nasaan - Oh well, I really love this song.. who can blame me..

(",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",)

Regine Velasquez's Drawn

OMG!!! I've been looking for this album for the longeeeeeeeesssssssst time.. I finally got hold of a copy and it only cost me 150 pesos.. I am soooooo Happy!!
I like:
*How Could You Leave
*Emotion
*Ikaw
*I'll Never Say Goodbye

(",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",)

MYMP Albums

To be continued..

Everything He Does is Magic.. Totally!!

Totally out of the blue.. I met somebody who makes my heart skip a beat everytime he smiles.. Totally friendly, but really haughty around me.. Totally simple, yet extravagant in ways one could not imagine..

I like him sooo much.. I don't know why.. He makes me sing silly love songs.. He makes me smile and sad at the same time without any reason.. He has these effects on me.. As the song says.. "Everything he does is magic".. I really don't know why..

Commitment Issues

This came to my attention just a few weeks ago.. My siblings and I have the same problem, we have commitment issues. We have a difficult time dealing with commitment. Maybe because we have bad experiences with love coupled with very bad examples on love.. Hahaha..

We want to be in a committed relationship -- yes, we all agree on that.. But to deal with marriage? At this age, yes I am on what most people call, "the marrying age".. But heck, no I am not yet capable of dealing with this kind of stuff.. I have yet to meet people of my age, or older, or younger that I definitely know I will learn from.. I have yet to learn so many things about life.. Or maybe I am just too afraid to admit that I might eventually fail on something very important such as marriage..

Am I the only one thinking this way? Marriage is too important to mess with.. I know I am right with this one.. (",)

Rewards

Hard work should be rewarded.. I rewarded myself with one electronic gadget and quality time spent with 2 of my bestfriends..

My New Creative MuVo V200!!

I've been planning to buy an MP3 player with FM for the longest time.. I am a music addict.. I was really planning to buy a Samsung MP3 player but bought the V200 instead because of its color..

Rewards Plus!

I have always been a Nyoy Volante fan, but I have yet to watch any one of his gigs.. But, last Wednesday, March 16, my bestfriends and I watched Nyoy Volante and the Mannos over at Suburbia.. We really had fun that night! I asked for Nasaan.. and he sang it right away.. haha.. Almost made me cry..

Rewards Plus Plus!! Bonus!!!
This is one of the best rewards I gave myself.. hahaha! Kinapalan ko na mukha ko... I asked one of the waitresses if can have pictures taken with the band.. They were sooooooo nice! Here are the evidence.. (",)

Bad 3P ako! Sobra!

Bakit may mga taong walang alam gawin kundi mambastos? Tao ka naman haharap sa kanila, pero gagaguhin ka pa din nila. Nakakabwisit lang dahil di naman ako nakikipagbiruan, seryoso naman ako, pero ganun pa din. Nagbihis na nga ako ng maayos, pero ganun pa din, nabastos pa din ako. Napakahirap ba gumalang? Lalo sa babae?

Appreciation

Congratulations Sis!!!
One of my bestfriends received an award yesterday for being reliable in delivering results.. Wow, I'm so proud of you Janine!! Buti ka pa, your efforts are being appreciated by your superiors.. hehehe..

********

Thank yous...
I have been receiving a lot of help from my student community, my beloved MP-RH.. I have so many things to do and I am just very thankful that they are there to lend a helping hand.. I appreciate the help very much..
Kudos to my MP-RH family: Kresa, Kenneth, Amer, Candido, Louie, Emman, Tristan and Jonathan.. and to my ComLab family: Jane, Dianne, Don, Leonard, Vlad..

********

Random Chu-chus..
I have been down these past few days.. I don't know why.. Maybe the red flag is coming.. but I really am sad.. Sad because the news circulating around.. Career.. Love life.. Stuff like that.. I dunno.. Maybe I am just sensitive.. I really can't explain neither understand what's going on.. I really am nuts...
Try nitpicking the mind of a nutcase...

Bilangin Natin Ang Minsan

Minsan, gusto mo nang seryosohin ang buhay, pero minsan, ikaw naman ang di sineseryoso ng buhay..

Minsan, akala mo, nakahanap ka na ng taong para sa iyo, pero minsan, joke time lang pala..

Minsan, cute siya, pero minsan, hindi.. At hindi mo maipaliwanag kung bakit..

Minsan, masaya ka kapag kasama mo sha, pero minsan, malungkot, dahil alam mong hindi pwede..

Minsan, emote ka, pero minsan, nageemote emote-an ka lang..

Minsan, aayaw ka na, pero pag gising mo sa susunod na araw, alam mong sya pa din ang hinahanap hanap mo..

Kung ganito kadami ang minsan, sana maging madalas na lang ang minsan..

Yun lang.. Kaya nga minsan lang eh..

Going... going... gone...

I am having a hard time saying goodbyes.. I am at a crossroad again.. I can't seem to bring myself to say goodbye. But this time, I really need to go. It is a choice between friends and family. And I have to support my family. If saying goodbye to my present job will burn bridges, well, I have to accept the consequences. I just hope these people will understand my needs..

I Dreamt of You Last Friday..

What??? I dreamt of him last Friday.. Bothered by what has been happening between the two of us, I really had a dream about him, Friday night.. Maybe I was thinking about him too much..

I miss him na agad.. What is happening with me? I hate this, I really hate this.. But I miss him.. I mean, I miss the "old" him... Haay..

********

Mga sis, help me deal naman with this.. I don't know what to think of or say anymore.. Obsessed ba ako? Nakakainis.. Nakaka-sad.. Tama ata ang hinala ko.. I think he lost interest na.. Matagal na ata.. Too late na ata ako.. hehehe..

I'm beginning to like you.. I am sorry, am I not supposed to?

Yes, I am beginning to like you, possibly, I already like you. Just like what my friend said, I have been “infected”. Suddenly, I was smiling from the heart again. My eyes had a different twinkle in them. And my friends were starting to notice.

Just the thought of conversing with you, just the memory of the sound of your voice, the way your eyes light up when you laugh, the dimples near your lips that appear when you smile, all of these bring joy to my heart..

But what happened, should I not like you? Suddenly, I feel like you are pushing me away. Have I done something that really bothered you?

You are a wonderful person. I find you very adorable. And the more I get to know you, the more I discover things about you, the more I feel for you. The more I want to be there for you, to share your joys and pains, to support you.

Have you changed your mind about me? Should I stay away? I hope I’ll know sooner.. Even though it really pains me to stop these feelings for you, I will, if you ask me to.

I am sorry; I am beginning to like you. You may not believe it, but I really want to fall for you and love you.

I Don't Get You

I am having a hard time understanding you, what is going on in that little head of yours? Have I done something wrong? Or have you done something wrong?

Are you getting frustrated? Well, maybe I am too. Your frustration is rubbing off on me. But I am dealing with things head on. I must deal with things head on. Why can't you do the same thing too? Don't run away, please don't push me away. You might not be able to pull me back.

I am here. I am real.

Bibitiw na ako..

Haay.. magtatago na ulit ako sa aking shell.. I'll be hiding my face again behind a happy mask.. Showing everyone that everything is fine.. That I'll be fine.. I know I am going to be fine..

* * * * * * * *

Mina, thanks for the encouraging words, but I think, this time I have to give up.. I think there are too many complications eh.. That's why I choose to give up this time.. Malay mo in the near future di ba.. Please don't mention names ah, he might be reading my blogs.. Please.. Thank you ulit! Luv yah sis!!!

(",)

Nababagalan Ako sa Kanya

Naiinip na ako. Baka nga hindi nya ako gusto. Mahirap ba akong abutin? Hindi naman di ba, nandyan lang naman ako lagi sa tabi nya. Baka kasi di sya lumilingon sa tabi tabi. Nakakalungkot isipin, gusto nya ako, kung kailan nagustuhan ko na din sya, ayaw na yata nya sa akin..

Baka nga.. It's not meant to be.. Like I said, I still believe in love, I still have faith in love. Love will find me again. Even if it takes a while..

Lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sakin, I try to relate it to a song, so here's my song for you... (Although, the pang-guy yung kanta.. so syempre sana may female version yung song..hihihi!)

--(",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",)--

Let Me Love You

Mario

Mmmm ..... Mmmmm.... Yeah....Mmmmm....

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Mmmm...Yeah....Mmmm.....

Yeah, Yeah

Baby I just don't get it

Do you enjoy being hurt?

I know you smelled the perfume,

The make-up on his shirt

You don't believe his stories

You know that they're all lies

Bad as you are,

You stick around

And I just don't know why

If I was ya man (baby you)

Never worry bout (what I do)

I'd be coming home (back to you)

Every night, doin' you right

You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)

Fistful of diamonds (hand full of rings)

Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you

Let me be the one to

Give you everything you want and need

Baby good love and protection

Make me your selection

Show you the way love's supposed to be

Baby you should let me love you,

Love you, love you

[Verse 2:]

Listen

Your true beauty's description

Looks so good that it hurts

You're a dime plus ninety-nine

And it's a shame

Don't even know what you're worth

Everywhere you go they stop and stare

Cause you're bad and it shows

From your head to your toes,

Out of control

[Bridge:]

You deserve better girl (you know you deserve better)

We should be together girl (baby)

With me and you it's whatever girl, hey!

So can we make this thing ours?

--(",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",)--

I Love This Song....

. . . . . (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) . . . . .

Suntok sa Buwan

Session Road

Hindi mo ba alam
Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan
Makasama ka'y suntok sa buwan

'Di mo nga alam
Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan
Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan

Hindi ko 'to gusto
Pero 'wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin
At tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin

'Di mo napapansin
Kailangan mo akong dinggin
'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin

Ito'y aking hiling
At sana naman ay tanggapin
Ng puso ko'y 'di nabibitin

. . . . . (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) (",) . . . . .

*** I do love this song.. I sing this with conviction.. to the max!!! ***

HITCH!

Starring:Will Smith

Watched Hitch last night.. All I can say is, this is the best romantic - comedy movie I've seen ever! This is one movie I'd like to watch over and over..

To guys out there: you can learn so many things from this movie, from meeting women to lines that you might want to use with your girlfriend that will surely melt their hearts...

I give this movie a two-thumbs up, 5-stars, and a whole lot of applause!

Troubled Me...

Troubled Throat..
I am sick once again, feeling the fever sometimes, but what has been bothering me is my voice. My voice has been working against me for the past 2 weeks. I can't really speak continuous for 30 minutes because my voice starts to fade.. Well, my profession requires me to speak non - stop.. How am I going to do that?

Troubled Mind..
Too many decisions to make, just not sure if I have enough courage to stand up for my decisions... I have been receiving UNWANTED attention for quite sometime now from two persons whom I have ABSOLUTELY no interest for. I believe I've tried my best to show that I have no interest at all and can not offer anything more.. I really do not want to be bothered by them. What makes them think that I have the time of day for them when I am too busy with my own stuff... Why can't they leave me alone?

Troubled Heart..
I have confided with my PPG sistahs that I am falling for someone..(",) But again, I am hounded with dozens of hesitations.. Why can't I just dive in on dark waters?

Paasa?? Who me?? Confessions of a Female Commitment Phobe..

Paasa: someone who gives "false hopes"

A friend told me last Saturday that I was "paasa". Not really, I am basically friendly, and once I see that a person is worth my friendship, I really give my 100% friendship to that person, no malice. Most of the time, other people mistake this type of behavior as something like "I like the person" or if it happens that the person likes me, he might mistake it as hope for something more of a friendship.

Well, it's like this, I do not believe in courtship, I believe in getting to know the real person. It has been said many times that during the courtship phase, both the girl and the boy show only their good side. Well, for me, it doesn't work that way. I always want to see the real person, how he deals with conflicts, drama and other stuff that most people in a relationship deal with. So, during this "getting to know you" phase, the other person I am getting to know thinks that we are in a "relationship" or we might have a future together. It sucks, I know. Maybe I don't make it clear enough to show that I am trying to get to know him. Maybe I should exert more effort in stating it in "clear cut sentences" so as to avoid any confusion. I hate getting hurt and I also hate hurting other people.

It's true, I am afraid of commitment, terrified of settling with one person alone for the next few months, years or even a lifetime. Afraid to see his faults, and not be able to accept them. I know, I am not perfect. But that's just me.
I've been in a couple of relationships before, I did learn to accept them, faults and all, why did it fail? Because we were always in bad situations. I need not explain it here. HAHAHA! That's why I have been this way, too many bad relationships and combined with bad "role models" on love. Now, I am afraid to commit. Afraid to let go of my feelings, to allow any feeling that I know will lead to "falling in love". Totally terrified of getting hurt again and again. Afraid to risk... To be dependent on someone... Again, that's just me, and it really sucks! (",)

A Good Lesson on Love..

To the Almost Hopeless, Hopeless and Loveless..

This is an excerpt form Paulo Coelho's book: By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept..
"....But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that mean hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.
The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us.
And save us....."

Beautiful words of hope.. This has given me a brand new outlook on love..

I am a Magnet of Committed Men

I do not know really what is with me, but men who are currently committed tend to fall for me. Why can't I be a magnet of single men? Why committed guys?

Celebrating My 25th Birthday..

"Go, go, go shawty....It's your birthday...We gonna party like it's yo birthday...We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday..."

Hey, I turned 25 today, and I don't feel like a day over 23! hahahah! My age went from 18, skipped a few years and now, I'm 23, hahahah!

Absynth Celebration, January 13-14, 2005

Gerry's Grill Celebration, January 21, 2005







MPRH Celebration, January 22, 2005